Insurance Hell

So I applied for some temporary health insurance until I find employment, figuring that this was the responsible, adult thing to do. Let this be a lesson to all of us: NEVER DO THE RESPONSIBLE ADULT THING.

I applied online, got an email June 15th stating that my coverage would start July 1st, and letting me know that I would receive a packet with all my insurance information and membership cards in about 2 weeks. When this packet did not arrive as promised, I called the company, and after sitting on hold for about 20 minutes, getting disconnected, and then sitting on hold for 20 more minutes, was informed of my policy number, and told that my packet should in fact arrive shortly.

Three whole weeks later, no card, no information, and I'm not really clear about my benefits. So I call the number on the email, and they transfer me to the Enrollment Status phone line, where I proceed to sit on hold for forty minutes. FORTY MINUTES of some perky lady repeatedly babbling about the increased incidence of asthma in this country, the importance of wearing sunscreen, and how you should teach your children to stay away from people swinging bats. Frankly, she shouldn't be giving anyone ideas about bat swinging, what with the rage that inevitably builds from spending 40 minutes on hold with a company that you are paying $90 per month for extremely shitty insurance.

Finally, a rep comes on the line, and I explain my issue. She says: "Your coverage started on July 1st? Let me transfer you to our PPO line." I then have the following exchange with the PPO line:

Automated Phone System: Please state your problem in a few words.
Me: No insurance card.
Automated Phone System: I'm sorry, I don't understand you. Please get out your insurance card and say your member ID number into the phone.
Me: I HAVE NOT RECEIVED AN INSURANCE CARD.
Automated Phone System: I'm sorry, does your member ID number start with letters? If so, please say them now.
Me: NO MEMBER ID NUMBER!!
Automated Phone System: I'm sorry, I didn't understand you. Please get out your insurance card and say your member ID number into the phone.
Me: You are a piece of shit.
Automated Phone System: I'm sorry, does your member ID number start with letters? If so, please say them now.
Me: Shit shit shit. OPERATOR!
Automated Phone System: You wish to speak to a representative? Please say 'yes' or 'no'.
Me: (very relieved) YES!
Alleged Human Representative: Please state your member ID number.

Once the Alleged Human Representative determined that I didn't have a member ID number, she transferred me back to the Enrollment Status phone line, where I spent ANOTHER 40 MINUTES ON HOLD, once again fantasizing about taking a bat to the entire Carefirst BlueCross BlueShield organization.

Eventually, another rep answered, and after much confusion, determined that although I had been approved for coverage as stated in my email, somebody had forgotten to enter all my information into the system. She would take this problem to the supervisor, who would enter in my information. The kicker? I am to call back this same number tomorrow morning to receive my member ID number and make sure my information got entered in correctly. More bat fantasies, here I come.