Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Conversation With OL

The scene: OL and I, sitting down at a crowded little restaurant with a marginally overpriced menu. The waiter is hovering to get our drink orders.

OL: "I vant a hamburger. How much is the hamburger."
I consult the menu, and unwisely blurt out the real price. "Nine dollars."
The waiter snorts softly.
I glance at the waiter apologetically, and then hiss at OL: "We are at a restaurant, that is what a hamburger costs at a restaurant."
OL, completely unmollified: "NINE DOLLAS???"
I look at the waiter again. He's trying really hard not to laugh. "We'll have some water."
"No problem! I'll just give you a minute to...err...go over the menu."

The waiter taken care of, I return my attention to OL. She's still both indignant and disbelieving. "I betchya it isn't nine dollas. That crazy for a hamburger!"
I pretend to study the menu again. "Oh, you know what, you're right, I made a mistake, it's cheaper than nine dollars." At this point, I glance at her for some sort of guidance to a proper hamburger price.
OL, gleeful to be proved right, obliges me right away. "I bet it's five dollas" she says.
"Wow, you've guessed exactly right! It's five dollars."

At this point, OL senses that things are a little too good to be true. She tries to trap me. "How did you make a mistake like that?? Saying it was nine dollas instead of five!" But I am too canny to be tricked by such an easy ploy, and use her own prejudices against her.
"Oh, I was looking at the cheeseburger price."
OL makes a disgusted face, and then nods sagely, ready to believe anything terrible about the abomination that is a cheeseburger.* Lunch proceeds more or less smoothly.

* Although she doesn't keep kosher, OL hates mixing meat and diary products. I've never been able to make her coherently explain why.

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